The Case Of Happily Married Cheat !!!
By Chamitha Kuruppu
Scrumptiously devouring those agony aunty columns, how many times have we sympathised with the innocent women complaining about their cheating husbands? When making fun of those numerous flings of ‘happily married’ office colleagues, don’t we silently curse them for cheating on their partners?
The sad truth is — whether we accept it or not — cheating has become the latest norm in our lives, especially when it comes to relationships. Isn’t this why we appear to have double standards with cheating — sometimes passionately and aggressively against it and other times happy to turn a blind eye and even embrace it.
Extra marital affairs are no more a hush-hush topic in workplaces or neighbourhoods. While some openly admit to cheating on their spouses, others confess to an accidental fling while swearing marriage is still sacred.
The young ones ‘about to tie the knot’ who are chauffeured to office by fiances, freely flirt online with strangers and are excited about a red rose or a diamond ring received on Facebook.
Meanwhile, a spouse or a lover no more opts for the harsh solution of divorce or break-up following the sad discovery of infidelity of their partner. Cheating in relationships is no more taken as a serious matter but becoming a common ‘mistake’ to be forgiven.
Why is cheating becoming a norm in today’s relationships? On the other hand, why are relationships becoming more fluid? Can a married man or a woman mercilessly cheat on their spouses, and call it accidental? Can a youth in a steady relationship justify a fling with another, claiming ‘it’s acceptable before marriage’?
Cheating is usually a symptom of an unhealthy relationship. It means that one is not fully satisfied with his or her partner, or that one feels that something is missing in the relationship. Meanwhile, if someone is completely in love and happy within his/her relationship, then why would they jeopardize all that they have for a five-minute fling with the girl or boy next door? Jolly well knowing that infidelity is not going to make for ensuring relationships, why do people still go on cheating?
Is it a question about our morals? Have they changed? The answer is no. What has changed is the number and frequency of temptations, opportunities and chances of indulging in more and more of these sweet temptations.
Thanks to globalisation and ever developing technology, the world has become a much smaller place. Five years ago, it would have been impossible to have a relationship with a total stranger who appears on your computer screen living thousands of kilometres away. However, thanks to technology, dating a ‘good looking hunk’ or a ‘hot chic’ many miles away whom you have never met is now perfectly possible. Whether we agree or not it is happening to thousands of boys and girls, in our workplaces and neighbourhoods, as we speak - it is all there, just a few clicks away.
There was a time, when marriage was considered sacred and except for a few, not many cheated on their spouses. Unfortunately, the trend is now reversing. Not only men but even women cheat without thinking much about their marriage and the effects of cheating. It is simply because many of us want to have our cake and eat it too.
It is no secret that when we are in a relationship for a long time, we cannot help but start taking the significant other for granted. Sometimes we forget just how great the woman or man we have really is. Men forget how wonderful it feels to have someone who loves them unconditionally. Women forget about the protection and guidance they receive from their men.
Meanwhile, some of us wish to continue with our marriages because the thought of divorce makes us feel uncomfortable.
And therefore we cheat, because we are bored with the relationship and it has lost its lustre. Husbands are fed up of their eternally whining wives and women have had enough with their unsupportive and selfish husbands. Others blame it on excessive office work or endless house chores.
Whatever the reason maybe we easily get bored with our marriages and want some excitement. Unfortunately, the mobile phone and the laptop that we carry everywhere will easily lead us into temptation, making us want to simply text that ever-willing-to-help office colleague or chat with a church friend.
Online love affairs
Online love affairs that take place through numerous dating websites are only ways of asking for trouble. Although many claim that they surf such dating websites for mere fun — by releasing personal details such as age, height, nickname including contact details what would someone be wishing for? Flirting on Facebook can be as simple as giving someone an ‘electronic gift’ writing on their ‘wall’, uploading some hot pictures or simply leaving an intimate comments.
Accepting cheating as a common norm and suggesting that people are often tempted to do so may no doubt raise many an eyebrow. People who consider having a sexual relationship outside marriage as cheating --- may not consider a husband having lunch with another woman as cheating.
But who can argue that spending much time with the ‘other woman’ and sharing intimate experiences and memories is not cheating? When the outside relationship is of a non-physical nature, can that be defined as “cheating”? It may very well be.
5 surprising signs that he is cheating on you
He's superprotective of his gadgets. "The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating e-mails, IM chats, cell phone texts, or bills," says Belisa Vranich, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. So if he's being unfaithful, he may guard his gadgets or act really defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer.
He steps up the grooming."This is so obvious, but it's a sign many women miss: If your man starts grooming down there without you requesting it, that could be an indication that he's spending more time naked," says Vranich. Another clue: He's spending more time working out.
He smells different."When he comes home, if he doesn't smell the same as he did in the morning, and it isn't the scent of soap in the gym or at your home, it may be because he's showered at her place," offers Vranich. So pay attention, because in this case, that old saying "the nose knows" might very well be true.
Nothing fazes him anymore."If he was short-tempered before, a combination of added sex and attention could be making him way more relaxed, even downright giddy," Vranich says.
He becomes suspicious of you. "If he's normally a mellow type, all of a sudden he may want to know where you are all the time and with whom," says Vranich. "It's the result of him realising that if he's cheating and it's not that hard, you might also be getting away with it."