Is “HAPPINESS” an individual thing?

Is “HAPPINESS” an individual thing?

Daily Mirror *********

By Krishni Gunawardena – Counsellor / Therapist Happiness is something we all seek. Pursuing the secrets of happiness is centuries old, sometimes having roots to the faith you have perhaps in your religion, traditions and family patterns. Though there are many do’s and don’ts of being happy, I believe happiness is a very individual thing. As we know well what brings happiness to one person may not bring happiness to another. But for most people this essence of ‘ feeling good’ could be simpler than they think…… If someone were to ask you what would make you happy, what would you say? ‘Having a house of my own’ or getting a good school for my son …or even ‘losing my weight by 5 kilos…’ Perhaps not. Although some people dream about material things that would make our lives easier, research have shown that, people actually spend less time in the pursuit of such things. Recent reports tell us that ‘happy genes’ we inherit account for a good 50 % of how we feel. So lucky are the people who have happy parents and ancestors!! In the same way people inherit ‘unhappy genes’ too. That could be one of the reasons why some people confess ‘everything is going smoothly for me but I still feel down very often’ Studies also show that about 10% account to our circumstances such as where we live or how steady we are financially, for our happiness. It says the remaining 40% is influenced by the ‘internal activities’ we engage in and this is the area we people can truly do something to change how we feel. Field of positive psychology has expanded over the past 10 years and techniques have been identified to show ‘internal activities’ have an effect on our sustained levels of happiness. However, obviously different strategies will suit different people. So you may find that some fit your goals and personality better than others. You may try one or all five of the suggestions given below but the important thing is to find methods that engages you and gives you pleasure and meaning in life. This again will depend on many things such as your upbringing, social and cultural background and other factors of your environment that helps you to be in your present mindset. Sugessions 1. Carry out good work For some people engaging in acts of kindness is one thing which boosts their happiness. Helping people in what ever way you can wins you more appreciation and makes you feel capable and strong. It’s also good to vary your good deeds to prevent it becoming routine. This suggestion is more suitable for those who don’t have major issues weighing in their minds. 2. Don’t compare Sometimes our level of contentment is related to self comparison and most of us tend to compare our selves with other people. Some measure their achievements, salary and even their weight against who have achieved more, who are richer or slimmer than them. If you do it in a constructive manner, it may inspire you, but if you often compare yourself with others, you may be in a constant state of dissatisfaction. 3. Have your ideal self For some people imagining an ideal self increases her/his well being and helps to push away regrets. Imagining about positive topics relating to you and making mental notes of a vision of your best possible self will bring about results to bring happiness closer to you. 4. Learn to enjoy The process of enjoying allows us to get the maximum amount of pleasure from an event, by focusing only on that event. It’s good to live in that moment and enjoy it, when we experience it. It’s about paying attention to what you enjoy, slowing it down and stretching it. Whether it be watching a movie, eating a chocolate or making love it’s good to live in that moment and enjoy it to the fullest… My friend Shoba while watching a movie, at the most intense moment would turn to me and say ‘ oh ! my Board meeting tomorrow….. !’ which could be quite a spoiler. 5. Your relationships Most psychologists agree, of all the ways that we can increase our happiness,the best way is through our relationships with others. Relationships must be nurtured and enjoyed not just known and put away. Here again making friendships/relationships is an individual thing. Some people feel safer to stick with long time friends while others thrive on making new friends. Making new friends and connecting with them could be an adventure and a challenge too. Again this depends on your personality type. The important thing is to enjoy the friends whom you love.