ALL MEN THINK ABOUT IT ?
Some aspects of male sexuality
- Lakbima Online
Dr. B.J.C.Perera
Sexuality issues change with each generation. In the 1950s and 60s, it was the development and increasing use of the birth control pill, making premarital and extramarital sex increasingly widespread. This evolved into the free love culture of the 1970s. Sexually transmitted diseases were of no particular concern because they could be controlled by powerful antibiotics.
No gulit involved
Anything was possible and sex could be had without love or guilt. HIV and AIDS changed all that. Suddenly free love was far more problematic. The 80s became a decade of increasingly sober attitudes toward sex for both men and women. Other changes have also occurred over the past three or four decades. The divorce rate gradually increased. Fewer and fewer children grew up in families where both parents were actually present and fewer still were nurtured in families where the parents were in a loving, caring stable relationship. What chance did these children have in developing loving, caring relationships themselves? Other components too were of some concern. Despite the widespread availability of birth control measures, the abortion rate was still very high. Illegitimate births were and are going up, even in countries widely known for conservative values. The groups opposed to homosexual rights and the groups attempting to protect and increase homosexual rights under the law are shouting at each other. Religious groups that preach love and acceptance often appear to place that apparently taboo culture of homosexuality in a special place.
Sexual experimentation
Humans learn by utilising their special senses and by experimentation. In a general sense this is true of male sexuality as well. The little boys learn some things on sex by these means over a considerable period of time. Then comes adolescence, a period of uncertainty and doubt, when perhaps knowledge gained from various sources is combined with experimentation. Adult life moulds the many intricacies of sexuality into a definite package of a characteristically unique male. Middle age brings in many other issues that cloud the minutiae of sexuality and old age tends to be the harbinger of certain problems of sexuality.
For both men and women, much of what we learn about the members of the opposite sex is acquired in the early teenage years of post-pubescence. Much of this information, even if not wrong, certainly contains elements of inaccuracy. The values and beliefs developed in the teenage years about the opposite sex are often carried into adulthood with little modification. Teenage girls quickly become convinced that teenage boys are constantly thinking about sex. This observation is perhaps not far from accurate. Many teenage males quickly come to the conclusion that the young women expect them to behave this way, and they are often more than happy to comply with these expectations. Young women quickly begin to believe that young men, as a group, are crude boars, insensitive to the more subtle parts of a relationship. Early on, young women become convinced that the only part of a relationship that matters to men is the sexual ingredient.
The notion of sensitivity and caring somehow get lost in the process. So both men and women enter adulthood with some real misconceptions about sexuality and the role of sex in a relationship. Young men often fear that anything that borders on sensitivity will be interpreted as being somehow “unmasculine” and thus represent inappropriate behavior for a “real” man. Women believe that the only component of intimacy that matters to men is the sexual intercourse part.
Unfortunately, some couples never really get beyond these misconceptions. They muddle through life never really getting what either partner wants out of a relationship. Men don’t really like being viewed by their partners as insensitive clods, but many do not know where or how to begin to change.
The pampered lover
Parents often provide role models in this regard, and young men who grew up in a family where the father was sensitive and caring to the needs and wishes of the mother, sexual and non-sexual, are at a great advantage in developing the requisite skills. Young women who have had the advantage of observing the loving, sensitive and caring relationship of their parents are also at a significant advantage over those who grew up in families where the relationship is weaker or less stable. The importance of all this is that sex is a good deal more enjoyable in a loving and caring relationship. This is true for both men and women.
Ultimately, is sexual preference largely determined by genetics, or does the environment (i.e. family upbringing) matter? That is an interesting and important question. Twenty years ago, the vast majority of psychologists believed that the environment under which a child grew up played a major role in determining sexual preference. Distant or absent fathers along with overbearing mothers were often blamed for same-sex preferences of, particularly, male children. These theories of an environmental (family) basis for sexual preference have been increasingly discounted by researchers, as more credence has been placed on genetics. But even if genetics play a major role in determining ultimate sexual preference, the rules under which the genetic laws must work are not all that simple.
Many women believe that men are happier the more frequently they can have intercourse. This is strictly not really accurate. What men truly enjoy is being aroused with and by their partner while both remain in an aroused state for a long period of time, delaying the ultimate climax for as long as is comfortable and possible. A continuing theme of the story lines in erotic literature is a situation in which the woman arouses the man and keeps him for a long time at a level just below what is needed to achieve final and mutual satisfaction. In achieving marital happiness, it is important for women to learn to do this.
It is generally true to say that men who are considered by women to be “great lovers” did not achieve this because of their skills at physical techniques. Great lovers become great because they are willing to communicate with women about exactly how they want to be turned on without any embarrassment.
Losing the amateur status
In this regard, the man who considers himself to be “less experienced” with “more to learn” may actually be more successful in the lovemaking department than the man who claims to already know everything there is to know about lovemaking. The less experienced man will likely want to communicate with his partner on a continuous basis during the lovemaking session. Interestingly, the ability to communicate needs and feelings during intimate sexual activity often helps build better communication skills in non-sexual areas as well, solidifying the relationship in total.
In lighter vein, males between 20 and 30 years of ago do tend to perform daily; from 30 to 40 years of age about every other day, and from 40 to 50 years of age about weekly. After that not weekly, but weakly. One cannot really put down numbers for the sexual performance for the male of the species.
However, an important area of genuine concern for everybody is the often hidden problem of male sexual dysfunction. There are many psychological and physical causes of the inability of the male to perform sexually.
The incidence definitely increases with age but when it occurs in the younger male, it could be quite devastating. There are ways of helping these unfortunate people and more and more medical personnel are learning ways and means of dealing with such problems. It is generally a complicated set of circumstances that ultimately leads to the predicament and the problem is known to perpetuate itself. In trying to help these people, there is much more to it than just prescribing the so called “wonder drug,” Viagra.
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